Tolleson

The Marine and I have moved again crosscountry. The movers came and packed our things with the utmost of care. *cough cough bullshit cough cough* The van was weighed, the house was emptied, we paid some person way too much money to clean it and we were officially out of Little Rock. I am so incredibly happy to be closer to friends and into an area I am familiar with, but I miss a lot. Mainly I miss things for the kiddos. Abby only knew her school, only knew THAT principal, THAT staff, THOSE hallways. She was very popular, literally every person in the school knew her. Mainly for her performance in the Winter Performance, but she is just such a people person, you know? 6 of her classmates lived on our street alone! She had a social life and completely thrived. Saying goodbye to her prek teacher, I lost it! We (the teacher and I) stood in the hallway with tears streaming down our faces. 3 years, we had grown to know each other. I trusted her with my children...and she loved them like her own grandbabies. I miss her. I miss all of the teachers of there. The one who taught her to read. The one who told her of great theatrical components and gave her confidence on stage. The one who gave her that extra push when she needed it. The one who made a point to let her know she mattered. That was a great school; small, poor and not as on track academically as others, I'm sure, but full of life, heart, and love. What other school has a principal that greets kids....EVERY KID...by their first name? What other school can you call and say "I am going to pick up Abby early today" and they KNOW who you're talking about because they know you and your child that well? I have a big lump in my throat thinking about how much I am going to miss that school and the people and children in it. Every morning I would pass through the halls taking them to school and have dozens of kiddos waving and telling Andy hi, roughing up Jacob's hair and cheerfully saying "Hi Miss Amy!!" On that last day, I cried so much it hurt. Telling those kids hi...and bye. Stopping and talking to every teacher that made an impact on us and telling them that I'd miss them. We went through a lot there. A teacher with cancer. Watching her wither away while her two children that attended the school sunk deeper into themselves. She passed away a few days after I left and I cried hard. Another member of the staff taken too soon, violently, scared us and shook us. Such a small town for something so ...BIG. Special needs kids with big hearts. Other moms that felt the same way. I miss it. Did I ever expect to say those words about a place that sincerely depressed me? Yes, because while Little Rock never felt like home, Tolleson did.

God's Plan vs Amy's Plan

 The Marine and I knew we wanted children, from the time we were 14 and 15, actually!  We made the decision to start trying the night he proposed marriage, knowing we would be married in just a couple of short months.  Our little miracle didn't arrive until 4 years later, but the timing was perfect!  We prayed that we would get our baby, we had really started to doubt it would happen.  We had this unrealistic vision of instant conception and boundless time to watch my pregnancy progress together, a calm and breezy birth and abundant time to watch her grow.  In reality, infertility struck, times were hard, The Marine deployed often and we realized that it was not in our hands.  That fateful day that the stick showed two lines was absolutely exhilirating!  The Marine was determined to not see me cry over a pee stick again....I was determined to stay positive.  I ignored his protests and grabbed a very pricey home pregnancy test and shook the whole time I peed on it.  Instantly, before I had even pulled my pants up, there were two lines.  TWO BIG PINK LINES!  Being a novice at pregnancy tests that didn't show blatant negatives was making me second guess my eyes.  I read the whole leaflet and every word written on the outside of the box.  The Marine was pacing around the house, trying not to get his hopes up, probably setting up an action plan to console me, expecting yet another negative result.  Finally I emerged from the bathroom.  The tears that day were not of disappointment, but of overwhelming happiness.  Then we realized that God did have a plan for us, our plans apparently didn't fit into it, except the end result was the same.  We wanted a baby, we NEEDED a baby, and we had her.  God gave us four years to spend together as husband and wife, to grow and mature, to prepare and set aside our plans and give it up to Him.  Would our faith have played a big part if we had conceived on our time line?   Would I have continued to pray every day and thank him for those four years, laying down a solid foundation for our family to grow on?  Would I have taught my children about Him, explained what miracles they truly are and how devoted to Him we are?  I can try to say yes, that we would have been fine, but only God knows, and I'm glad we're following His plan and NOT Amy's plan.

A Quiet Moment

It's a rare occurrence in this busy house to have a few minutes of complete silence. All three kiddos and The Marine are sleeping. Late afternoon naps...heavenly! I would totally join them, but my two cups of late afternoon coffee are keeping me buzzing. Any who...while the quiet continues, I'll start my first official blog!

Today I'll skip the About Me shpeel, there will be time for that later, for now it's just about getting this started! A commitment to do what others have asked me to do.....write.